We’re all different and our perception of the world is unique meaning that everybody has its own personal reality. So, don’t treat others as though they think the same way as you do.
What if we learned:
1) to understand whit at type of body communicator we are;
2) to decrypt others’ body language.
This can help us connecting better with those around us.
There are 3 main types of body languages : the Lookers, the Listeners and the Touchers.
Let’s analyse them together.
Lookers
These people think in pictures and images, paying more attention to what they see.
As a consequence they put value on their look and tend naturally to be well-dressed.
They breathe deeply and move in a casual, relaxed manner.
They generally have wrinkles on the forehead because they look up when they try to remember something they’ve seen and they do it more often that most of people do.
Since there’s considerably more visual information around than any other kind and it is accessible at the fastest rate, lookers tend to be more rapid. Highly visual people can sometimes be even feverish.
They give a lot of eye contact and use visual language like: I see what you mean.
Listeners
These persons’ brain works in words and sounds.
Being auditory people, they might struggle to read maps, but will excel in following verbal directions.
They are also sensitive to the tone of other people’s voices.
They are usually not very well-dressed, as appearance is not important to them.
They have a tendency to look down to remember things (trying to remember the words or the sounds), they often mumble to themselves and are pen clickers (they can’t help themselves from listening to the click of the pen).
Touchers
These people process information in feelings and tactilely.
They are extremely sensitive to feeling too hot or too cold or to uncomfortable clothes and also to the emotional feelings of themselves and others.
They are ready to hug you the very moment they see you, have tendency to reach out and touch your arm, to lean and reduce the distance with you.
They prefer comfort rather than style and tend to look down trying to remember an emotion they have felt.
They tend to speak more slowly and intentionally because they are processing their thoughts through their bodily and emotional understanding of things.
Which one of these 3 types are you?
Actually we all use these 3 types of body communication but we all have a dominant style (like we have a dominant hand).
This is a simple way to determine your body language type: close your eyes and try to recall an important memory. How do you recall it? Like a movie, like a sound or the way you felt?
You can reach a larger spectrum of people, if you understand their body language type and send them the right cues in order to build a better rapport to them.
Start paying attention to other people’s body language to figure out how they think.
We can’t change the way our brain works but we can recognize others’ dominant kind and accommodate our language both body and verbally.
For instance a Looker will be really moved by a painting (but left cold by music and annoying by a hugging) while a Listener will be felt concerned by the sound of a song and a Toucher will be affected by a hug or an arm on the shoulder.
Start presenting your idea in a way that they can get it.
In this way you will convince people from the inside out, not pushing, controlling or manipulating them.
You’ll have more chances to have a yes instead of a no and you’ll become the most persuasive people in the room.
How can you interact with Lookers?
Give them the most eye contact you can (otherwise they’ll believe you don’t consider or respect them).
They can be slow to understand verbal directions, but if you show them with pictures how to do something, they’ll grasp it much more fast.
Slow down a little when you speak and make space for a hands-on approach in order to create time for them to reach their feelings.
Use words that have a visual component such as: “clear”, “focused”, “reveal”, “illuminate”, “foggy” or Let’s picture together the situation or Look at this or etc.
How you can appeal to a Listener
Don’t give them too much eye contact (it freaks them out) look at them and then away.
Speaking to them be mindful of your tone of voice.
A solid explanation will usually do it better than pictures and make sure you tell them how something needs to be done or why it works.
Use words that are auditory like That sounds good to me Let’s talk this over.
How to deal with Touchers?
Let them touch you or at least give them a point of contact you can bear to be touched, like your arm or hand.
Give them concrete examples or even better let them practice!
Use kinesthetic language like: Let’s get in touch or Reach out and tell me more about it or You’re warmly welcomed, “we just clicked”, “I get a feel for it”, “I’m trying to grasp it”. Or use words like: “hard”, ”solid”, “concrete”.
You don’t even need to be in their presence to do that, you can just look at their emails or listen to the conversations you have with them.
Which kind of words are they using? Visual, auditory, kinesthetic?
I hope you’ll try this out: if you want to develop a meaningful relationship with people who are sensory different, you need to meet them half way.
Good luck!
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